Why I don’t agree with Debi Pearl

Blog_Debi PearlHere’s what it says:

The Devil would love to steal your children’s souls. He will not do it through your husband’s TV; he will do it through your dishonor. The boys may have a difficult time with their sexual drives as a result of the commercials, but many young men have survived this in spit of the increased temptation. Few survive an unstable marriage where Mother resents Daddy. Your attitude has done nothing to stop the children’s exposure to temptation. Just think, if you had lower expectations, you would permit yourself to love and honor your husband, and the children would be better for it. When God gave Eve to Adam, he was giving him a helper, not a conscience. Adam already had a conscience before his wife was created.

I am not suggesting that you should have lower standards. In fact, your husband obviously should have higher standards, but your nagging and criticism have the opposite effect of producing righteousness. Ideally, if you could hold your standards hold your tongue, and hold your man, in time you might be able to put forth an appeal to him that does not offend.

As things are today, you will continue towards divorce, or you will get on the road toward a heavenly marriage by honoring your man. It’s a no-brainer.


Here’s my interpretation of this: It doesn’t do any good to talk with your husband if he’s doing something wrong. Respecting your husband means holding your tongue. Being a nag will send your children (and your marriage) straight to the devil.

Here’s why I disagree:

1. In the words of my husband, “Both a nagging wife and immoral TV will push your kids away from Jesus.” If your husband claims to be a Christian, but is watching porn or being abusive or even unloving, that will be your child’s example of a Christian. And if you are a nag or unhappy all the time, that will be your child’s example of a Christian. Scary, huh? BOTH have equal potential to drive your children away from Jesus.

2. Being a good “helper” involves rebuke. A good friend will tell his friend when he’s walking off a cliff. Likewise, a good wife (if no one else is around to do it) can remind her husband of what’s right and help along his conscience. Men aren’t perfect, and neither are wives. And sometimes we do dumb things. But I know of so many families who would be so much better off if the husband would listen to the advice of the wife. Unfortunately, human nature and teachers like Debi Pearl have taught husbands that they shouldn’t need to listen to their wives.

3. DON’T BE A NAG. All this to say, I’m not advocating that women continue to nag their husbands about their TV watching habits or farting on the couch. She’s right about that, nagging doesn’t work, and neither does being resentful. But the solution is NOT staying silent. There is a process, as outlined in Matthew 18:15-17. Go to him PRIVATELY at first to ask and talk about it among yourselves. Then, if he refuses to listen, take one other person with you, someone you both respect. Then, if he still doesn’t listen, take it to the Church. This means that a wife will be REALLY careful about what battles she chooses, because it has to be for the long haul and she has to be right enough to have everyone “take her side.”

God compares marriage to the relationship between Christ and the Church. Most people use this to say that wives should submit to their husbands as if their husbands were God. But when you think about it, it’s a lot more than that. God listens to the Church. The Church is never silent. and, even though Jesus is never wrong, He also never forces His wife to submit.

No one likes being rebuked or told their wrong, and that definitely should NOT be the only thing that ever happens in your marriage. But once in awhile, there will be a need, and sometimes it falls to the wife as the only person to remind her husband what’s right. 


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