So before my husband and I were married, we went through two rounds of marriage counseling (not by choice or because we had doubts, FYI), and, of course, people give you all sorts of advice when you’re getting ready to get married. We’re cruising into our third year of marriage now, and here are 3 things I’ve found to be false (and the truth in them).
Myth #1. Everything changes after you get married. When people would tell me this, I had visions of Matt and I doing an about-face and becoming just like our parents.
I didn’t want that.
Fortunately, and logically, this usually isn’t true. You are who you are, and marriage doesn’t change your core personality or values. Don’t expect it to, and don’t be afraid to get married because of it.
Now, here’s the truth in that. Instead of the usual focusing on each other so much like you do when you’re dating/engaged, you get down to the grind of life together. And if you let it, you can loose sight of each other and start to take the other for granted. You’re spouse becomes a fact of life, and the light they provide becomes normal.
Myth #2. Your relationship becomes less romantic after your vows. If anything, for us, our relationship got more romantic! We had our first kiss at our wedding, and had never gone beyond hugging and holding hands. I don’t know if that was a contributing factor, but Matt is much more physically affectionate and romantic than he ever was when we were dating. My only regret is that we don’t write each other notes as much as we used to, but we do on special occasions.
Myth #3. A successful marriage requires a good housewife and a male breadwinner. Ha! I’m a terrible housekeeper and although I do like to cook, I make a mess I don’t clean up when I do!
I know, I shouldn’t be so messy. But hey, it works. Matt cleans up, generally makes house decorating decisions, and can be an amazing cook when the need arises. We both freelance from home, and the division of labor is pretty awesome. When he has an urgent/big project, I pamper him and do as much food and cleaning as I can to help lighten his load. And when I have a big/urgent project, he does the same for me. I don’t see that changing even when we have kids, I want to keep working and so does he.
A Final Note. Marriage is a union between two unique individuals. Consequently, take marriage advice with a grain of salt and a pound of grace. You’re marriage will be different from any other marriage you know, because you and your new spouse are unique. Everybody likes to give marriage advice, but only really take seriously people who know you both and are wise.