Why I Can’t Vote for Hillary

So I realized a few days ago that I had written a blog about the leadership faults of Donald Trump. That was before he became the Republican nominee, etc. I stand by what I said, you can read that here.

But after much discussion (both in my head and with others), I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t vote for Hillary Clinton. Here’s why and how I came to that conclusion.

  1. Leaders are supposed to represent us. I can’t support someone who so vehemently upholds abortion and homosexual marriage. I don’t believe either is right. People will make their own decisions, regardless of the law, but I can’t, in good conscience, cast my vote for someone who will stand for things I can’t support. (Ironically, I hope Trump learns to be more diplomatic, because I would hate for him to show his immaturity when representing the USA).
  2. The government isn’t supposed to take care of us. That’s one of the strongest points I’ve heard from Christians on why they’re voting for Hillary. As Christians, we’re supposed to take care of the poor, the weak, and the helpless. What’s the point of banning abortion if nobody cares for that mother, or her child, after the birth? Which is a VERY good point. HOWEVER, the government sucks at taking care of people. It’s a big, unwieldy machine, it takes care of some people who don’t actually need it and passes over others who actually do. That’s why, as Christians, we’re supposed to take care of our own neighbors, in our own communities. It’s easy for deserving, needy people to be passed over by the government. It’s really difficult for those same people to be passed over by their friends and neighbors. We can’t abdicate our responsibility because the government is supposed to be doing it. They don’t do a good job. We would be much more effective if we took own hard-earned money home, found a friend/neighbor who needed it, and bought them food and met their other needs.
    1. When I was growing up, we had neighbors across the street who received all sorts of government assistance. Clothes, food stamps, you name it. But that’s not what they needed. After they left, we bought the property and found outbuildings caked with clothes, baby stuff, and toys. So much waste. But as their neighbors, we could see they didn’t need all that stuff. It could have gone to a family who really needed it.
    2. In contrast, I knew several staff during college who really did need help, but couldn’t get government assistance because they had a job and/or didn’t know how to work the system.
    3. I’ve met dozens of people on disability who are actually physically and mentally able to hold down a job. But they’ve learned how to manipulate the system.
  3. ObamaCare does not make business sense and should be destroyed. It’s a good idea, but unfortunately, there’s a reason a lot of people weren’t being covered by normal health insurance. It drives prices way too high for normal people with no health issues. Instead of trying to get health insurance for everyone, let’s find out why healthcare is so expensive. Is it malpractice insurance? Is it the nature of a non-competitive system? Whatever it is, find a way to make healthcare more affordable, instead of trying to pay everyone’s bills without question. Again, the government sucks at taking care of people.
    1. I know a family who, because of ObamaCare, was paying $1,200, for just them and ONE kid. And they just got a letter saying that, in 2017, it would go up to $1,800 per month. That’s ridiculous. You could buy a good car for that much. That is not “affordable healthcare.” And if you’ve been listening to anyone talk about ObamaCare, you know that it’s pretty bad. Once again, the government is not good at taking care of people, and that’s not their job anyway.

Final note: This has nothing to do with Hillary as a person. She has a lot of experience and could potentially be a good leader. But for the reasons above, I cannot vote for her. Her party stance is not feasibly sensible. I would hate to vote for Trump, either, but I might have to… 😦

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Wife Training – Eh, no…

When I was a kid, I remember my dad saying, “We’re training you to be a good wife.”

I thought of that today, and I don’t agree with the ideology behind it. If you raise children to be good adults, they will be a good wife or husband. No special training needed. 

Venting moment: Don’t train your daughters to be “good wives.” Good wives come in all shapes and sizes, to fit husbands, who also come in all shapes and sizes. Try to show your children (by example) how to follow God and be a caring spouse, pray for them, teach them what they need to know, and let them go.

Three Myths About Marriage

So before my husband and I were married, we went through two rounds of marriage counseling (not by choice or because we had doubts, FYI), and, of course, people give you all sorts of advice when you’re getting ready to get married. We’re cruising into our third year of marriage now, and here are 3 things I’ve found to be false (and the truth in them). 

Myth #1. Everything changes after you get married. When people would tell me this, I had visions of Matt and I doing an about-face and becoming just like our parents. 

I didn’t want that. 

Fortunately, and logically, this usually isn’t true. You are who you are, and marriage doesn’t change your core personality or values. Don’t expect it to, and don’t be afraid to get married because of it. 

Now, here’s the truth in that. Instead of the usual focusing on each other so much like you do when you’re dating/engaged, you get down to the grind of life together. And if you let it, you can loose sight of each other and start to take the other for granted. You’re spouse becomes a fact of life, and the light they provide becomes normal. 

Myth #2. Your relationship becomes less romantic after your vows. If anything, for us, our relationship got more romantic! We had our first kiss at our wedding, and had never gone beyond hugging and holding hands. I don’t know if that was a contributing factor, but Matt is much more physically affectionate and romantic than he ever was when we were dating. My only regret is that we don’t write each other notes as much as we used to, but we do on special occasions. 

Myth #3. A successful marriage requires a good housewife and a male breadwinner. Ha! I’m a terrible housekeeper and although I do like to cook, I make a mess I don’t clean up when I do! 

I know, I shouldn’t be so messy. But hey, it works. Matt cleans up, generally makes house decorating decisions, and can be an amazing cook when the need arises. We both freelance from home, and the division of labor is pretty awesome. When he has an urgent/big project, I pamper him and do as much food and cleaning as I can to help lighten his load. And when I have a big/urgent project, he does the same for me. I don’t see that changing even when we have kids, I want to keep working and so does he. 

A Final Note. Marriage is a union between two unique individuals. Consequently, take marriage advice with a grain of salt and a pound of grace. You’re marriage will be different from any other marriage you know, because you and your new spouse are unique. Everybody likes to give marriage advice, but only really take seriously people who know you both and are wise. 

The Submissive Wife: a tale of two women

In response to Sheila over at “To Love, Honor, and Vacuum.” 

Once, there was a girl who fell in love and married a passionate revolutionary, a strong man with huge ideals but a secret despair to ever reach them. She was a gentle girl, infused with a strong desire to make others happy, especially this man she loved so much.

And he also loved her very much. But his passion for the ideal and his independent spirit quickly turned into a bus that constantly ran over his new bride’s sensitive heart. She cried many tears, but loved him all the same, and committed to staying with him, no matter what. And as the years flowed by, they had their good times as well as their bad times.

But the only way it worked was if the gentle bride laid down and let her husband do whatever he wanted. And serve him as well as she could, regardless of if she thought he was doing right or wrong. For whenever she disagreed with him, it turned into a fight that shook the Earth.

But she was crushed under his heavy expectations. Things never got better, and her husband never realized what he was doing most of the time. He didn’t realize he was yelling. He didn’t realize he was shooting arrows through his wife’s heart. He never realized when he hurt or pushed away his children. He was on the verge of abusive, and his wife’s eyes were full of fear most of the day. But, short of divorce, there was nothing she could do. Standing up just brought constant fighting, and that hurt her worse than just taking his anger and trying unsuccessfully to please him.

On the other side of the world, another girl fell in love with an idealistic leader, a strong man who had a burning drive to change the world for the better. She was also a gentle person, a servant and a healer whose heart broke over and over for the suffering she saw in the world.

And they loved each other very much. Their goals combined and they were able to help each other. But again, she had to bow under the prow of his ship, because when he wanted to do something, nothing should stop him, especially the person who was supposed to help him and make him happy. She cried many tears when she saw her man falling into darkness, and triumphed with him when he came back up, but if she got involved and tried to pull him from going a bad direction, a huge fight broke out. So she didn’t.

But one day, that changed. She got tired of being run over. She knew better. He needed someone to tell him when he was being dumb. And nobody else could see it but her. He was unreasonable too much. He needed so much control over the lives in his family. And she was tired of it. So she stood up.

And forever after, they clashed and lived on the verge of divorce.

I always wished the sensitive princess from the first story would stand up for herself. She cried too much. And he cried to little. But then I saw the second story, and the unhappiness that standing up brought to their marriage.

So what can we do? If a woman is married to a man who runs her over, is she condemned to cry silent tears? How can you make things better without fighting all the time? Because most people don’t change. I’ve never had the answer to that question, until today.

Some people, especially passionate leader types, need mentors, people close enough to see when they’re doing something stupid, people who are able to tell them when they’re right and when they’re wrong. Usually, it falls to the wife, because a wife sees everything. But when the wife is the constant critic, it’s not effective. Especially if the person is used to getting what he wants.

In the Bible, God paired the most passionate leaders with a sidekick, usually not their wife. Moses had Aaron. David had Jonathan. Paul had Barnabas. Jesus even sent the disciples out to preach two by two. And then they would come together and talk and write letters to correct each other and smack each other when they weren’t doing what was right.

This is essential. Anybody who has a strong influence over other lives needs to have someone who can tell them when they’re wrong. Someone they listen to. Every poor leader I’ve seen has one overwhelming fault: nobody can tell them they’re wrong. And it leads to so much hurt. Because even the best of us is wrong a good portion of the time! We all have faults! And some faults can tear a family apart at the seams. So if you’re the husband in the story, get somebody to help hold you accountable! Let them into your life, let them tell you when you’re wrong, or at least listen and try to do better when your wife says something.

What’s Sexy?

Hollywood and Victoria’s Secret told me what’s sexy. Lacy underwear and big boobs. My husband had to switch my thinking about that.

He explained it to me this way. “I want to be able to touch you and hug you. And lace is so scabby, like a sore. I don’t want to touch that.”

He thinks I’m so beautiful when, in the morning, I still have sleep in my eyes and messy hair. He says it’s because I look so vulnerable and soft. And he finds that amazingly attractive. When I’m in a t-shirt or tank top, I can’t get him to leave me alone.

Society tries to teach us that “THIS” is what is universally attractive or sexy. But that’s not true. My husband likes it when I wear t-shirts or tank tops because it was what I wore, most of the time, when we were dating. It’s the style of clothing he associates with me. And he loves me. No model with big boobs ever stepped out of a poster and held him when he was discouraged. Or prayed for him through storms. Or heard his deepest darkest secrets and loved him anyway. Or made him a sandwich at midnight. Or any of the other thousands of reasons he loves me.

I did. And I’m the same way. I love seeing his face, because it reminds me of years of encouragement and selfless giving. It reminds me of the man who, when we were dating, told me to chase God, regardless of if it meant time away from us. It reminds me of all the dreams he helped me realize. It reminds me of the man who stood strong and saved himself for marriage, who dreamed about his wedding and honeymoon. It reminds me of the compassion I’ve seen in his eyes for the helpless, for hurting children, for the homeless.

He is Matt. And I find that INCREDIBLY attractive.

The Failure of Feminism

As I’ve been reading a lot of blogs and considering my own thoughts these past few weeks, a thought snuck up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

As much as feminism has accomplished with women’s rights, the right to vote, being able to go into any profession, etc, it has failed a lot of women. It put shame on an entire sector of women and what they wanted to do.

You see, my mom wanted to be a housewife. She loved her children. She had a heart that was gentle and beautiful. She liked cooking, she loved taking care of her husband and her family. And feminism failed her. She was condemned and criticized by many of the women around her who claimed to be feminists.

So this is my complaint against feminism: Women are equal in value with men. But feminists taught an entire generation that women only have value if they are career-oriented. Housewives are women who are worthless. True feminism should teach that women have worth and value, REGARDLESS of if they make a living working for others or working with their family.

Did you ever want to stay home with your children? Did you feel pressured to have a career?

Every Woman Needs a Man?

“Look at Snow White, she needed a man to tell her to Google the old lady and see if she was giving her a poison apple. That’s why we’re here, to protect our princesses and remind them to Google old ladies giving them apples, to make sure it’s not a scam that’s going around the kingdom.”

IWe Can Do It posted this quote on my status the other day. My husband sometimes likes to tease me by being sexist. I thought this one was hilarious (juxtaposition of a fairy tale using Google, so sexist because Snow White was kind of an airhead, etc).

One of my friends took it seriously, and her comment made me do a double-take.

Some people actually think this way! Some men think that all girls need a strong male figure in their lives at all time, lest they stray from the straight path.

This attitude makes me feel less important than my male peers. It makes me feel unnecessary in the circle of life. And this is where the feminist movement started. Women feel the need to assert their independence when they feel taken for granted; when their men make them feel replaceable at any moment. We women hate feeling like servants who could be replaced by anything that can cook, clean, and care for kids. Especially in comparison to men, whose jobs seem so much more important than housework.

A breadwinner’s job is just as important as a housewife’s, though. It sounds trite, but it’s true. And deep in their hearts, most men know this. One man I know feels the need to assert his dominance simply because, deep inside, he feels like his wife’s work in raising the future generation is much more worthwhile than his repetitive work for his company. And my husband, as confident and encouraging as he is, loves it when I show him I need him for things. And even though I am confident in who I am, I love it when he shows me how much he needs me.

Bottom line: It’s okay to need your significant other. Remember to let them know how much you appreciate what they do. If this is hard, try switching jobs with them. It will help you realize all they do!

In reality, nobody needs another human being. But every one of us wants to be needed.